Teaching our children to lie

We teach our kids to tell the truth (well most of us do).  But how many of us lie on a regular basis to your children?  I'm talking about flat out bald face lies that you know for a FACT are lies, yet you enforce these lies into our children, until we ensure that they believe the lie we are telling them.  I would bet most people say "I don't lie to my kids, I always tell them the truth, and redirect if the answer to their question is age inappropriate (like if my 5 year old asks about sex)."

So let me ask you this... does your child believe in Santa?  The tooth fairy?  The Easter bunny?  Flying reindeer?

Guess what?  You taught your child that lying is completely acceptable.  At the age they find out (usually before age 8) they won't differentiate between lying is appropriate under certain conditions, they just know that you lied to them, and since you did it, it must be okay. 

I have never understood the need for kids to believe in fairy tales as if they were real.  My kids (the older ones anyway) know that Santa is imaginary.  It's fun to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas, but at the end of the day, who do they believe will be bringing their presents?  Mom, and dad, and their aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins.  Why?  Because I believe in honesty. 

When someone said something to my oldest about Santa, he asked that person who he was, and a couple other questions  I think he was 3.  I didn't say anything because I wasn't there, but he mentioned it a while later.  I still didn't say anything, because I wasn't sure how to handle it.  But then a few days later he point blank asked me if Santa was real.  I have a strict rule that if someone asks me a point blank question, regardless of who it is, my answer will either be "none of your business," "I'd rather not say," "Ask me when you're older," or just answer the question.  Since the first 3 really didn't apply (I mean really, why does he have to be older before he can get an honest answer from me?  So I answered honestly.  I told him that Santa isn't a real person, that he is someone that we like to pretend is real, just for fun. 

So that Christmas, when we were making Christmas cookies (my SIL gave him a plate that says "cookies for santa" on it) and we were going to put cookies on the plate for santa, my son was talking about how santa was going to eat the cookies and drink the milk, and then stage whispered "but really it's daddy" hehe.  Smart kiddo.  So now he is 7.  Two Christmases ago he was 5, and he went all out with my then 2 year old daughter, teaching her the song about "Santa Claus is coming to town" (with a huge OW! after the line that says "so be good for goodness sake" lol), telling her about how Santa was going to bring her presents, and got her all excited about it.  I watched from afar because this was his time with his little sister, teaching her about this side of Christmas, but wondered if he would tell her the truth like I did with him.  Sure enough, he did.  But I didn't hear it.  What I saw was on Christmas when he handed her a present that he said was from Santa, my daughter looked at him like he was crazy and very firmly said "DADDY."  She was old enough to understand.  I asked him later what he told her, and he said that he told her Santa was really daddy. 

So then when we were at the family get together at my Mother in Law's house, someone asked her want Santa brought her.  She didn't speak much, but she kept repeating "Daddy!"  Smart girl.  I taught my kids to tell the truth.  Now she is older.  Last year she was 3, and when we started putting up decorations, and getting ready for "santa" she got into the festivity of the thing and made believe, but every once in a while she'd giggle and say "but really it's daddy, that's how he knows if we're sleeping or awake!"  lol  I love my kids.

One of the biggest excuses for teaching our children to lie by lying to them is that it "keeps the magic alive for them."  I'm sorry, what was that again?  Go reread my last paragraph.  My kids have plenty of magic and wonder in their lives without being lied to and learning how to lie.  We have never even gotten into the whole easter bunny thing, because, well, we live on a farm.  My oldest knows that bunnies are mammals and don't lay eggs.  He has known that since he was quite young, because we had a book about puppies and we got into the discussion of mammals, and we also have had chickens for most of his life, and he knows that they lay eggs.  So he would probably have said "yeah, right" if I told him that the easter bunny laid eggs.  What would be the point?

I think that parents lie to their kids for their own amusement.  It has absolutely no beneficial value whatsoever to the children to be lied to, but it does carry some pretty hefty consequences, such as lying as they grow.  Because they learn from what we do, not what we say.  If we model lying as an appropriate thing at ANY time, they will learn that lying is okay.